8 Long Years Later: A Pastor's Anniversary
Eight years ago today, I walked into the office at 26201 Ynez Road and began my ministry career at The View (then Mountain View). I was weeks removed from earning my Master's degree and excited about a season of life that never really came to be. At the time of hire, I was hopefully engaged and finishing my seminary studies at Azusa Pacific University. Life was good, and looking better…
Within two weeks it was all distorted.
Instead of good times and great work accompanying a marriage and children, I found myself holding a returned engagement ring. Personally, I was heart-broken and abandoned. Professionally I was in a foreign place. Winning just didn't seem possible. Almost daily I seemed to miss the the mark; students didn't like me, volunteers didn't care for me, all my plans and ideas seemed philosophically incongruent to a team that just weeks ago was excited to bring me in...nothing was going right. I had some budding relationships with a few fellow staff members, but I was drowning. I had no time for my longtime friends. I had little connection at this new church, and an ongoing struggle to build rapport with anyone. I went to work everyday waiting for termination...it would have been welcomed. I just wanted to curl up into the weight of failure.
I was two months into the job when something finally shifted; I went on the road. Ok, that's oversimplifying it. I went on a mission trip. Specifically, I was tasked to lead a youth mission trip that someone else (who was no longer in their role) had planned, and many of the students on the trip weren't very happy about it. Getting through the final round of planning meetings and parent conversations wasn’t the easiest sled in the world, but it had still been one of the smoothest things in my first weeks there. Perhaps it was the pressure of having no wins in my first 60 days. Perhaps it was my need to focus on success. Perhaps it was the need to escape my own feelings of heartbreak (at the time I was in a deep depression). Whatever the reason, I was driven to make things happen and I was all but oblivious to one thing: I needed to get a group to follow me who clearly did not want me to lead.
With hours drawing near to the trip, I focused on leadership strategy like a laser. I wish I could tell you I searched out wisdom in the Scriptures or in some best-selling words from a renowned leader…but I did not. I did the only thing that came to mind: I tried to influence the influencers. Essentially, this meant gaining support from trusted leaders in hopes to borrow their relational currency…At least, that’s what I thought I was going to do. Along with the group of students casting off for this mission trip, there were two adults signed on as chaperones. One was a young adult and minister in the church named Michael who was an acquaintance, but not yet a friend. The other was a parent named Anissa, mother of two of the students going with us. In order to paint the picture of what happened next…well, I have to share an aside about the first time I met Anissa..
It was my introduction to the church. I had just preached a sermon in front of the congregation (it did not go well…in fact, the pastor did not allow me to preach the second service as I was scheduled to) and then met with some of the students. After the church services there was a reception with parents that (from what I was told) was a meet and greet. Well, it was…but it wasn’t for me. In fact, it was for me AND the rest of a team of youth leaders who would lead the ministry moving into an eventful summer after a long period of little-to-no leadership for the youth ministry. The problem? I had never even heard of the rest of the team! I watched while each of the team members was introduced one-by-one, their roles described with great honor, and then the floor was opened for questions. One-by-one, each team member took the same question “when will youth service come back?”
Silence. A stutter…then a gesture to our chief of staff to have him come and rescue from the consuming uneasiness falling upon the room. I took special notice of the parents’ faces each time this happened, turning aside to my then-fiancée to say: “Every time someone drops that question they are forfeiting their influence with the parents. They look like they have no idea what is happening. I don’t know exactly what I’ll say when I get up there…but I’m not going to do that.”
Sure enough, my time came. I was introduced and there were ceremonious claps, and I began sharing on my heart for discipling students. Then a voice from the crowd “Yea, yea…but when is the youth service coming back?” Quiet for a moment. I took a breath, then I responded. “Thank you for your question. I cannot tell you exactly when that will be, but what I can tell you is what I believe the pathway is. These students are hurt and have been without representation for some time. I believe rebuilding this group will require the same keys required for revitalizing in an urban context: 1. We must take the students from a place of fear to a place of refuge, 2. We must establish leadership that serves (can be trusted), 3. We must establish laws, commandments and structure (a standard), and then we will be ready to 4. Call them to worship (a purpose).”
Again, quiet. Maybe the quietest 10 seconds there had been in the whole meeting. Then our chief of staff came back to the podium and gave a seemingly arbitrary timeline to appease anyone who wasn’t satisfied with my answer. Still, in those seconds, I saw parents pondering the weight of what I had shared, and for the moment, they seemed to have something more to think about. Whether or not this was good, I couldn’t tell you. What I can tell you is: One of those pondering parents, (specifically, the one who asked me the question) was the mother of those two students heading out on this mission trip with us.
I wanted to have her support, but at the least, I knew I needed to have her respect. I asked Michael to arrange lunch with Anissa so that I could try to, for lack of a better term, get her on my side. I can’t tell you everything that happened in this meeting or exactly how we ended up where we did, but I left that lunch with Anissa’s respect because she knew who I was, and more importantly, what I was about: the students.
With the backing of the only other adults on the trip, we were ready to head off and let God have his way. But something lingered: how was I going to lead a group of students who didn’t trust me any further than they could throw me? (Even back then, at a slimmer weight, I was a big guy.) I didn’t have a plan, but I did have an idea. What I did next, I have rarely shared with others, but it remains one of my most treasured leadership lessons. I pulled Michael and Anissa aside shortly before we set off on the road, already noticing that many students didn’t as much as want to hear me talk. “I don’t have their trust yet. I hope by the end of this trip some of that will change, but I have to deal with the situation as it is. I don’t think the kids will listen to me. But I have to lead…” What I did next still shocks me. I took a deep breath, leaned into courage…and gave away my influence. “Mike, I need you to lead this trip. Every night, we’ll meet and talk about what will happen the next day, but when it comes to execution, I need you to be the voice.”
We all agreed.
Over the next seven or so days, many amazing things happened. Hard work was done, good conversations happened, the Gospel was shared; our students even led a teen to Christ in the city we were serving in. So many beautiful moments happened, and I can’t take credit for any of them. I’ll always be reminded of the one that meant the most to me. See, the entire trip, I was experiencing a personal revival of sorts, and it all came to a head on a Thursday night during our group devotional. We had all been sharing on a passage about working the harvest fields, and when my turn came, I sputtered a few words about how these students were my harvest field and that it meant so much to me because it was all that I had…I got most of it out. The rest kind of settled into the air through bitter tears. I mean, it was ugly. This is the kind of cry that no one is supposed to see…
Still, in that moment, God was there and it was evident. It’s one of those things you can’t quantify…it just happens, and God changes the whole course of your life. It was a miracle. Something released in that moment that I still can’t explain. After that, it was a different trip. We all got along. We all talked and prayed. We were all closer. In fact, when we got back home classes began to gain momentum and unity started to fall…so much so that 5 months later, these same students helped me to lead our first youth service in months. It was a packed house!
Talk about winds of change.
Looking back on that time, I am reminded of a few lessons:
Do not despise humble beginnings (Zec. 4:10) - It’s so tempting to only thank or even think of God in the big moments, but then we often miss Him in the others. The start is not the end, and what we are experiencing now can’t compare to triumphs to come…but neither of these are as good as our eternal hope. Trust God.
Leadership doesn’t look like what we often think it does (Mt. 20:25-28) - This is one of THE toughest leadership lessons that I have ever learned. To a group of followers clamoring for rank and honor, Jesus gives the command that leadership in His kingdom is not like this. No, if you want to lead as Christ calls, then it is all about service. You don’t chase the high seat, or the place of honor, or the accolades or respect; you serve. Honor is in giving honor away. Like at no other time in life, I was brought to live this truth during that first mission trip. From experience I encourage you: Trust God. And finally…
God is always doing His best work behind the scenes, so wait on Him (Rom. 5:3-5) - They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength…Such beautiful words, yet in trial they can feel so ugly. Still, we wait…because waiting makes us patient and patience produces endurance and endurance grows our faith. To trust God, we must have something worth trusting Him for. Trust God.
In my eight years of vocational ministry, I have been consistently reminded of these lessons. Of them, the third lesson is both the most challenging and the most encouraging for me at this time. Life feels a lot closer to the fiery trials described at the beginning of my story than the triumph recalled at the end, but I know by God’s grace that this isn’t the end. Life is full of rhythms, and sometimes you vibe with what you get, other times it’s a race to get to something else. Like Paul, we are being challenged to worship God and to find joy whether we have little or much, whether things be good or bad (Phil. 4, in context). Sometimes that is so hard, but it is for seasons like these that James encourages: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)
So, as I cling to the Savior in the midst of a trying season, I say the same to The View Church and to any who take the time to read this: Thank you, and remember to trust God. No matter how it looks right now, He has better things in store than our understanding can allow us to imagine (Prov. 3:5-6), and if we wait on Him, we will find Him to be trustworthy, and our hope fulfilled. I look forward to the next season, hopefully we will find it together, with all trust in God.
-Pastor Cory Jae
#anniversarycory